


house of cards.

by fuyusayo



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, F/F, Heartbreak, Marriage, Self depreciation, Unrequited Love, aaaaaaangssttt, childish promises, dia is a pure child, its just angst that hurts a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 03:59:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15210434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuyusayo/pseuds/fuyusayo
Summary: Her exterior was a house of cards, carefully and meticulously crafted, to show no weakness.A house of cards was also fragile. It'd only take a gust or a gale of wind to send it to the ground in a pile. All she needed was a push, and she would fall.I want you to be kind to me, no, that’s not it. I want this tingling feeling to continue.ーWHITE FIRST LOVE; Kurosawa Dia





	house of cards.

_A game of house they used to play, one in which Dia was the mother, Kanan as the father, and little Ruby as the child. They played to their imaginations, joy filling their mind as they never had a care in the world._

 

_Once the sun began to set, Kanan told her suddenly. 'One day, I'll marry you, Dia. Just you wait.'_

 

_'E-eh? Kanan-san?!'_

 

_'Its a promise.' The little Kanan had a rougish smile that captured the heart of little blushing Dia as she held out her stubby pinky finger. Dia then, reluctantly, enterwined it with her own, sealing the forsaken promise away in her memories._

 

_"For now, this'll do." A wire that was bent to form a ring, slipped onto Dia's middle finger. She could still remember the soft fingers of Kanan as she slipped the ring onto her thin, bony ones._

 

A fond memory. So pure, yet it was so naïve of Dia to believe in those white promises. How so naïve she was, falling for the ocean-lover instead. The amethyst gems she longed for to look at her, were so far away, instead staring, boring, and digging deep to  one of sparkling, citrus, lemon yellow.

 

~~Dull, green emerald gems never satisfied her anyway.~~

 

Another girl, by the name of Ohara Mari, whisked her prince away, leaving her in the blizzard, cold and alone. 

 

_She never knew that'd love would hurt so much. Loneliness, a feeling so cold that she would feel like shivering even in the hottest of summers._

 

**Her exterior was a house of cards, carefully and meticulously crafted to show no weakness.**

 

"Dia, would you be our bridesmaid?" Mari and Kanan asked simultaneously, grins on their faces as the ring on Mari's hand flashed under the light. A beautiful diamond ring.

 

_It was too late._

 

 _How ironic._ She wished that the diamond ring was on her finger instead of Mari's. She'd dug her fingers into her palms unconsciously, a trickle of blood staining her fingernails.

 

**A house of cards was fragile. A single gust or gale of wind would send it flying. All she needed was a push, and she would crack.**

 

"..Yes. I would be glad to." She smiled softly as she heard the cracking of her heart, slowly falling into pieces. She had to be happy. She wouldn't want to ruin the happiness of both of her best friends, even though she was hurting all the while. Dia blinked back tears, which Kanan and Mari mistook for ones of happiness.

 

~~Dia wanted to be selfish.~~

 

But Dia told herself, she deserved every ounce of the pain that she got, because she was a coward. A pathetic one at that.

 

She'd lost her first love, to another.

 

* * *

 

 

Even after 15 years, she still kept the wired ring Kanan had gifted to her. The bluenette's voice rang in her mind as she did. It had grown a little rusty, but Dia still treasured it deeply.

 

~~Even the icy princess had dreams of a prince sweeping her off her feet, bringing her back to the castle where they lived happily ever after.~~

 

 _"I'll marry you, Dia."_ Dia closed her eyes, imagining Kanan loving her. Going out on dates, cuddling her, proposing to her, and getting married. Dreams were just dreams, and Dia forced herself to think that it was enough.

 

_Once she dreamt about Kanan. They were by the ocean, the two of them alone. There was nobody there. No Aqours, no Ruby, no Mari, they had the beach to themselves._

 

_"Dia, can I kiss you?" The bluenette spoke in a soft voice as she stared, her amethyst eyes sparkling with love. Dia nodded, and Kanan leaned in and pressed their lips together. Kanan's lips were soft, yet electrifying. She could feel the warmth she craved so much, filling her heart._

 

_Dia missed this. She missed the feeling of the amethyst eyes just staring into her emerald green ones. She woke up, a flare across her face as a smile danced on her lips._

 

~~Its enough for me if you were mine, just in my dreams, just for a short while.~~

 

A tear dripped onto the sheets. Heartbreak descended upon her as she clutched the ring. She should be happy, no, she must be, as her two best friends were getting married.

 

But why does it hurt? It hurt so much.

 

**It was just like a moth to a flame, the moth was intrigued by the flame, burning brightly as it inched closer, not caring about how painful and hot it was until the moth died.**

 

~~You promised, Kanan.~~

 

**The house of cards tumbled into a heap by the passing wind. She'd worked so hard to perfect it, yet why..? Why does it still fall?**

 

For once, the regal princess of the Kurosawa family let herself be consumed by her own emotions.

 

A choked sob erupted out of her throat, her tears leaking out of her emerald eyes like a waterfall, staining the bedsheets. Every part of her body hurt, her heart feeling as if it was stabbed a hundred times. 

 

 _Coward. Stuck-up. Prude. Stoic. Cold._ Kanan surely deserved better than her. She deserved someone who could make her smile. Like Mari. The ever so smiling, yet wise Mari. The only one who could make Kanan smile so wide, just for her alone.

 

~~Dia envied Mari, so much.~~

 

* * *

 

 

Chika had a camcorder in her hand, recording the whole ceremony as she cried tears of joy, Yoshiko and You having to wipe it off for her. Ruby was squealing in joy as she saw Mari walk down the aisle, Dia in tow. It took Dia, the normally stoic, cold Dia, an entire morning to compose herself (giving reasons so that nobody would suspect or find her crying). 

 

**She rebuilt her house of cards hastily as she donned her maskー one of pride and happiness.**

 

~~She imagined herself as Mari. How happy she would be at this moment.~~

 

The priest was Hanamaru, as she requested to be their personal priest for the day. Kanan had a look that was the epitome of joy within that moment of time. As Dia and Mari reached the front, Mari hesitated, but Dia reluctantly pat her on the shoulder, urging her to go up front as Dia made her way to the sidelines, watching from a close distance.

 

"Please say your vows zu- hrm." Hanamaru stated formally, avoiding the use of her dialect.

 

"Mari," Kanan started as Dia took deep breaths to calm herself, preparing herself for more pain. "Ever since we were little kids, we had been the closest of friends." _Stab_. "It had been nothing more of a platonic love at first, but as we reached high school, it had developed into something more-" That was enough for Dia, as she drowned out Kanan's voice, her head throbbing as red lines blurred her vision. She couldn't breathe.

 

**Please just hold on a little more, I beg of you, please, my house of cards.**

 

"You may now kiss the bride." 

 

**No. Please.**

 

As they leaned in, almost to the point of touching, there was a crash. Everyone whipped their heads to the source, which was apparently Yoshiko covered in mashed potatoes.

 

"Who are you calling a coward!" Yoshiko hurled the gravy onto Chika, who apparently started the commotion first. It missed and hit Riko instead.

 

"Oh yeah~ Its party time!" Mari snatched Hanamaru's microphone and yelled into it, and Dia couldn't be more grateful for having Chika and Yoshiko in her life.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been an eventful evening. 

 

Dia had went home early, as she needed to have time alone after the commotion caused, she'd barely survived having a breakdown in front of so many people. Her phone beeped twice. She opened it, to see that Chika had sent a message to the Aqours Groupchat.

 

_From : MikansRsweeterthanU_

 

_gayestweddingeverrecorded.mp4_

 

_Here's the footage that I recorded @dolphinarebaes @shinyyyyyyyy hope u like it :)_

 

She didn't bother replying, she was too emotionally drained to do so. Instead, she plugged in her headphones, opting to watch the recording Chika sent. She took out the wire ring, and bent it slightly open so it could fit her ring finger.

 

Kanan's voice was so smooth like silk, her voice filled with love. She was alone, now she could let the house of cards fall and tumble. She couldn't understand what Kanan said at that point, trembling and shaking so hard, all she knew was imagining Kanan talking to her in that loving tone she only reserved for Mari. 

 

No words formed in her head as she curled to a ball, whispering a final, wavering, choked "I love you." Before falling asleep to Kanan's soft, gentle voice playing on repeat. It was a lullaby that sang along with her melancholy, broken heart.

 

**_Farewell, my first love._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Blehh this is a half vent i guess since it happened to me enjoy ahhahahaa


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